first day back at work.

the bathroom is so FAR away.

i'm never skiing again.

i'm SO SICK of sitting on the couch now. i finished season 3 of 24! that makes all 3 seasons in a little over a week.

it's so sad that i can only be comfortable when i'm sitting on the couch. sigh. i don't know if moving around more or trying to stand more will help me get over the pain, but when i stand for too long, i feel like all this fluid and blood rushes to my knee and i feel this immense pressure in the knee. trying to walk on it hopefully will help, although i don't even see how i can try to start walking. my knee can't even fully bend or straighten.

anyway, i'm sick of being trapped in the house doing nothing. the weather has been so beautiful, but the most i can enjoy of it is from inside the house looking out the window. i decided to go to karen & dave's bbq today... even though my knee was hurting, i had to get out of the house so badly. it was worth it anyway, the food and company are things i've been dying for. and who can resist a bbq on memorial day weekend? ;) the ribs were sooo good, when i tried to pick up the rib by the bone, the bone fell out of the meat. now that's good stuff. thanks guys! :)

i hope i can make it to LA this upcoming weekend. i'm starting to worry that i won't be able to handle it. we'll see...

oooh and thanks ma for the cookies! YUM!

i have a really bad craving for coke for some reason. and when joseph mentioned in n out this morning, that sounded really good too. innout and coke. but what i really want is just to be healed. i'll give up all the coke and innout in the world to be healed right now.

it's been a hard two weeks. much more painful and difficult than i thought it'd be.

well, i'm one week post-op and it's been quite a ride. the post-op this time around has been infinitely far worse than the one on my left knee. i'm seriously living through hell right now. the first night was pure torture because i couldn't take any painkillers due to the fact that i was throwing up all day from the anesthesia and could not even keep a sip of water down (i was even dry-heaving), so the intense throbbing and burning in my knee kept me from getting any sleep at all. after that i was maxing out on my vicodin after a nurse who called me from the hospital told me to take the max amount allowed within the shortest time period (2 pills every 4 hours) because i was suffering so much, and even then i haven't been able to handle the excruciating pain. sleeping is even more miserable because i can't move my entire leg. i also get this incredibly sharp shooting pain that runs all the way from my very lower back down to my toes that hurts so much it involuntarily makes me cry. it usually happens when i try to turn my leg or when i'm standing with my crutches. i definitely did not have this shooting pain after the same surgery on my left knee. there's seriously something different about this surgery than the acl reconstruction on my left knee because i was never in this much agony, pain, and torture post-op last time. this time around, one week later, and i can't even sit up on the couch - it hurts that much. what's even weirder is on my left knee, i used an autograft - my own hamstring tendon. this time around, i chose to use an allograft - a cadaver graft, which supposedly should have been an easier recovery. :(

on top of that, my allergies are in full bloom and have caused me to get sick, complete with sore throat, sinus clogging, lots of sneezing and lots of snot.

anyway i don't want to whine, but i'm not exactly the happiest of campers right now.

if anything, i know God has a reason for having me go through all of this. i really hate not being able to take care of myself and having to ask people to do everything for me and being a general nuisance to them. i try to do as much as possible on my own, but it's just so hard. but i'll get through this. God got me through it last time and He'll get me through it this time.

anyway, I'm supposed to go into the office next week, but i'm positive i won't be able to drive, and heck i can't even sit in a chair right now. we'll see, i'll have to talk to my boss since i know he's not so keen on ppl working from home.

one last thing... in the span of 6 days, i managed to finish both seasons 1 and 2 of 24. :)

this morning i got a great gift thanks to mr. ang.

if i ever tear my ACL again, no fear! i now have some spare ACLs! all i have to do is get a sharp kitchen knife, cut myself open, stick these suckers in, grab a needle and some thread, and i'm all good! no need to go through all the hassle of a doctors office, the hospital, insurance, etc.

awesome! thanks!

i also was going to post a pic of my swollen, bloated knee, but decided not to at the last second to spare you all. it doesn't look that bad, just like a big bloated log, couple of bandaids, dried blood and a nice yellow and blue bruise.

Finally uploaded pics!! Here are the links:

Amy & Mike's wedding
giants game!

some highlights:

amy & mike's wedding cake:



hmmm... we were starving and found some goodies in eva's pocket!



amy & mike cutting their cake:



the so-called "innocent" bridesmaids jean & alice:



the canaan girls who could make it to the wedding (with mike):



to see the rest of the pics (including someone NOT named mike trying to kiss amy! gasp!) click here


on to the giants game:


hanlin, joy, me and mike before it starts raining:



nice flower jt!



all of us sad because the game was rain delayed:



to see the rest of the pics, including the results of who won the cup game, click here

for those who haven't figured it out yet... my O sO exceptiOnal cOmrade, cOmpaniOn, and Of cOurse, sidekick is the One engaged. gOt it? gOOd.

today is the last day of my PTO. i'm thankfully working from home next week becuase there is no way ever i would be able to go into work next week. just sitting up if i'm lying down, standing up if i'm sitting, or sitting if i'm standing really hurts. i think it's the blood rushing to my leg or something. and any time i try to use any of the muslces in my leg, it hurts like mad. i'm going to the doctor today so hopefully he'll be able to remove this ridiculously large dressing from my knee. it itches so bad. and then maybe i can take a shower so i can stop washing my hair in the kitchen sink and toweling myself to clean myself.

i've found random bruises all over myself, dunno how i got all of them. i have some dark bruises from the IV needle. for all my past surgeries, the doctor has had to put the IV needle in my hand (yes, it hurts like crazy! that iv needle is HUGE) because they have trouble seeing my veins in my arm. this anesthesiologist, however, insisted on sticking it in my arm. thank God he used a numbing needle in conjunction with the IV needle. he stuck the numbing needle in, and then poked in the IV needle (i could still feel the IV needle going in, but nothing compared to if the numbing needle wasn't there). he was like "hm that didn't work" took out the IV and poked it again. he proceeded to do this another time, and yet another time. he was like hm, i'm going to move the numbing needle. so he poked me again with the numbing needle, and then poked me a fourth time with the IV. still didn't work. he poked me SIX times with the IV before finally finding my vein!

anyway, anyone know how to get that yellow sticky iodine stuff off your body? i can't take a shower yet, but i've already tried using a washcloth and soap. then i resorted to rubbing the area really hard with the washcloth, and then just my hands & fingers, but it still won't all come off. talk about stubborn substance. any pointers would be appreciated.

what have i been doing all these days? tuesday i pretty much slept the whole day (jenny & andy also came by to visit and bring by donuts. thanks!) wednesday i was in and out of consciousness since i didn't get any sleep the night before. joy & andrea also came over to play and distract me from the really bad pain in my knee (thanks!). i also watched one and a half episodes of 24 (several people asked me "how did you watch ONLY ONE episode?" the truth of the matter is i fell asleep after that. hahaha) yesterday, though, i, um, watched... i don't know if you people really want to know. let's say i'm more than halfway done with the season now. ahem. yeah. and maria even came to visit for most of the night and i didn't watch any episodes with her. those episodes aren't a full hour each!

okay time to watch more 24. bye! i was planning on uploading pics from like amy & mike's wedding, etc. i'll get to it sometime.

:)





congrats to my girl.

my surgery went well, relatively speaking. i'm back at home resting, but in a hell of a lot of pain. last night was miserable, i got no sleep, and yesterday i threw up anything that went into my mouth (luckily, only water, but multiple times), which prevented me from being able to take any pain killers. ugh, this has been a lot more painful than i remember it being so far.

the pain from yesterday, though, was covered up by some very good news!! congratumalations!!!! i loved the multiple voicemails on my cell phone yesterday, the last one being "hmm... i'm starting to think that your surgery is actually today..." ahahaha. thanks. and to the boy - if you still read my blog - i can't believe you didn't check to consult about the ring. hmph! The 2006 tour is just starting to roll...

one more try...

hopefully i will actually go under the knife tomorrow. i just want it over with already. there are lots of complications with this surgery, and i'm still unsure i'll be having it tomorrow. lots of possible factors that could still prevent it from happening. sigh.

my anesthesiologist called tonight (wich is weird because no one called me last week) and was giving me the option of having general anesthesia or getting an epidural so that i could watch the whole thing on tv. this is the second time i've been offered to watch my knee get cut up on tv (the first being my first ACL repair, not last week). do people actually find it fascinating? no thanks, please put me under.

this morning i woke up with the wonderful surprise of no running water. i scrambled around, trying to call ppl at 8am to see if i could use their shower. luckily i finally got a hold of my coworker who lives nearby, so i was thankfully able to use her shower & sink. later i found out our neighbor turned off our water because there's some massive leak by her yard (she lives on the other side of the duplex). i guess she didn't realize she had shut off our water as well. anyway it turns out there's some old pipe that's about to burst or something, and no one was able to fix it today so we are still without running water. we do turn it on, where we all run around to brush our teeth, use the bathroom, wash the dishes, etc as fast as we can before having to shut it back off. i hope i have running water by the time i come back tomorrow.

i can't believe it's only monday. this is gonna be a long week.

i was going to the bathroom at work today, and the door was still swinging shut, so someone apparently had just walked in - which is normal. so i'm about to open the door so i can go in as well when i hear a very loud "oh SHOOT!" while thinking to myself... that doesn't sound like a female... and the door swings out, and a guy walks out of the bathroom, says hastily to me "i'm sorry!" then proceeds to walk straight across to the men's bathroom. HAHAHA. i don't care since i hadn't gone in yet, but there were girls already in the bathroom.

you know, now that i think about it, it's not that bad. i mean at berkeley we had coed bathrooms - toilet stalls and shower stalls and all. it was mostly ok. i think the guys were more grossed out because of all the hair in the shower.

uh, well i'm back at home now, and going into work tomorrow. my hospital story begins when i arrive and check-in 2-2.5 hours before my scheduled surgery as requested. i change into the hospital gown and settle in the room while the nurse tells me she'll find out if my doctor is maybe ahead of schedule so that they can start on me earlier. she comes back and tells me that my schedule is actually pushed back by about 1-1.5 hours because my doctor was still working on the first patient (i was supposed to be the third). so, with nothing in the room - no phone, not even a watch or clock, just a tv, i sit, salivating at all the food commercials wishing i could eat or even drink. about another hour later, the nurse tells me that my schedule was pushed back even more because my doctor just finished with the first person and just started on the second patient. so i continue to numb my mind with the trashy early afternoon tv (it's amazing how different the commercials are during the afternoon - catering to a totally different audience). finally, after four hours, my doctor walks in and tells me that i have an infection, and that he could not operate on me. arrrgh. i've already had a difficult time with this whole surgery, issues with the doctors office to even get my surgery scheduled. the reason the doctor didn't know until today was becuase i didn't have my pre-op appt until friday. and the reason i couldn't schedule it until friday was because the doctor's office didn't schedule and confirm my surgery at the hospital until mid-last week. regardless, i wish he could have told me, i don't know - yesterday? or even this morning? but instead i had to waste away my whole day at the hospital. i'm on antibotics this week, and he'll reschedule me to sometime next week, where i'll have to go through all this again. sigh.

so anyway, i'm at home, cancelled my PTO, and going back to the office tomorrow. my whole schedule has been thrown a little off now, but i'll deal.

had a whirldwind of a weekend - if you don't want to read the paragraph below, skip to the next. :)

friday night, even though i was pretty certain i didn't want to go to the city with a bunch of folks, alex managed to convince me at the very last moment to go. we ate at this small, but very good dungeness crab restaurant. YUM. it was kind of pricey, but the food was so good. sat had worship practice at 8:30 (i know, ouch) and then headed to byria's for their housewarming brunch. ate a lot of food. ran some errands in the afternoon then went back to byria's where the girls went shopping (errand shopping) for way too long. went back to byria's where we ate all the brunch leftovers. yesterday a bunch of us headed up to pacbell park to watch the giants play the nationals. although the weather was cloudy, it was fine all the way up to the 7th innning, when, during the strecth, the sky really let loose and it started pouring. the game was rain delayed for about 1/2 hour when the umpire finally decided it was good enough to play again. after that it just started getting miserable, because although we got better seats since a lot of fans left during the pourdown, the game wouldn't end. not after the 9th, 10th, 11th, or 12th inning. by the 13th, i just wanted the game to end, i didn't even care who scored. luckily the giants won at the bottom of the 13th :)

if you didn't want to read all that, to sum it all up, i basically ate the entire weekend. i feel gross from eating out so much. blech. this is to make up for the fact that i probably won't be eating much, if anything on tuesday. (can't eat before the surgery, and i probably won't want to eat after the surgery in fear of throwing it all up).

i'm going under the knife tomorrow! pray for me! found out surgery is in the afternoon :( that means no water or food from midnight tonight until my sugery tomorrow. boo. :(

today i was driving down central expressway, from mountain view toward santa clara. there are a bunch of overpasses on central expressway in the sunnyvale area because the local streets cross over the expressway, and there were really no cars in front of me. so anyway, as i was approaching one of the overpasses, i noticed a pedestrian standing and leaning over the railing, looking down on central expressway. i was thinking to myself "what in the world is that guy doing?" he was by himself, and seemed to be intensely focused on looking down. different thoughts passed through my head - "this guy isn't going to try to jump or something is he?" so as i approach the overpass, i suddenly see this big white thing flying down. and then i realize... "that guy is NOT hacking a freaking loogey on my CAR!" unfortunately i was going too fast and was too close to brake or slow down, and even though i tried to swerve, there really was nowhere to go and there was no time to make it effective. and then BAM! the stupid HUGE loogey landed on my car. luckily, it landed on my windshield so that i could easily wipe it away, but guys, this thing was HUGE. it was bigger than bird poop, all bubbly, white, and everything. it was SO NASTY. imagine if it landed somewhere other than my windshield! STUPID guy. i can't believe he was so bored as to have to stand on an overpass and try to develop loogey-spitting skills and try to hit cars below. i was so angry, not just for me since i was lucky enough to wipe it away, but for all his other victims. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. these things always happen to me.

in other news, guess what came in the mail today? just in time for the giants game? that's right, my handicap placard! woohoo!

karen = smart:

[14:31:12] me: irving just lent me 24 season 1
[14:31:21] me: so now i need to find someone who has seasons 2&3
[14:33:11] bob: Hanlin has season 3
[14:33:13] bob: my bro has season 2
[14:33:24] bob: I told him to bring it back once he's done w/ finals
[14:33:33] me: when's he done?
[14:34:00] bob: mid-month sometime
[14:37:17] bob: but season 1 would get you started pretty well
[14:43:41] me: yeah. that'll last me...
[14:43:50] me: how many episodes are there?
[14:44:08] bob: 24

hahahaha! uh, stupid me. i'm a little scared to start watching 24 because i don't want to get hooked on more tv shows. although, alias has sucked so far (it's finally getting a little better), so i haven't been watching it as religiously - and i usually have to work late on wednesdays anyway, so i don't pay attention, even if it's on. i've instead been hooked on lost - now THAT'S a good show.

i'm working next monday, but there are all sorts of things i need to do before my surgery. i'm preparing myself better this time. first, i'm going to clean the place up since i probably won't be able to help do that for a while after my surgery. then i'm going to set up my living room since i'll be camping out there for a while. definitely going to prepare a puke-can/bag, thanks to my experience last time, set up my bible & journal, celebration of discipline, my laptop, and some water on our coffee table, and stick 5 discs of season 1 of 24 in our dvd system. hotel karen will then be set. visitors withOUT burritos will be welcomed :) visitors WITH burritos will be banished to the bathroom. either that, or will be holding the puke bag for me while i puke in it. the only other thing i wish i could set up would be a toilet, but unfortunately that's not doable. i remember last time it literally took me 15 minutes to even make my way to the bathroom and then try to sit on the toilet (i'm not kidding. last time i couldn't figure out how to sit on the toilet - it was so hard, i almost gave up going to the bathroom all together and ended up crying when i finally got my butt on the toilet seat.)

since my parents are out of town in europe until after my surgery, i'm mother-less on mother's day. so, instead, i'm going to a giants game. woohoo! my last big hurrah before the surgery. let's see if i get my handicap placard in time for parking for the game :)